My Life Away From Home

It was in year 2000 when I arrived here in Japan. Two years after I graduated from college. Never in my whole life did i ever think of going to other countries. But here i am, for eight long years, been living this life away from home.

My dream sent me to where i am now. This is what i say to myself every time i wonder why i am here. My dreams.What dreams? Dreams for my family. This is what I reasoned to my best friend when she asked me why i had to go away.Then she said, "if that is how you think you can reach your dreams, then go". Some years after, she told me how life had been after i have gone. And this is how my life has been since then...

My life drastically changed, for so many reasons. But my world remained the same. So this requires a lot of adjustments to myself . How can i still be a cat when all the others around are dogs? Should i be a dog like them? This has become one of my greatest struggles here. For someone like me, how could i ever face this kind of world everyday? I was not use to this. I didn't even know this until it happened.

So i cried, almost everyday. Working in a strange place, with different people. I was young then, only 23. I was looking for someone whom i can sensibly talk with. My cousins were here but also far. I didn't know how to speak Japanese that time. I can't understand their songs. I can't understand what i was watching on television. I wanted to eat in McDonald's but the staff could not understand what i wanted, so, i end up going home hungry.

Everyday, i wished for someone i could meet to become my friend. I was so lonely. My daily routine was so boring for me. It was really a sacrifice. This was the time when i said to myself "i was living my life out of time". It seemed like i was existing alone. Nobody knew i existed at that moment. There was just so much in life that i missed.

It was only after a couple of months later that i learned damu man di gali Filipinos like me. It brought a spark of joy in my heart, knowing that there were actually some people who lived a little closer to my world. I started to share my life with these newly found friends. I was hoping i could depend on them in the dark times of my life. To my surprise, i found out eventually that they were the people pulling me down. This happened to me so many times. I got frustrated. But this is how life is here. Take it or leave it kind of thing. If you want to keep going, you need to be strong.

Now i wonder if other Filipinos from other countries abroad experienced same kind of thing. I was thinking of how wonderful it would be if we go along together instead of pulling down each other. But then, i want to know why. Why this things happened. In America, not anybody can go there. You have to be at least a college graduate if you want to work, or something like that. Here in japan, maski wala ka ka agi grade one as long as may dugo ka ka hapon, you can have a chance to stay and live here. Well, it's an opportunity, isn't it? The problem is, sometimes when you get to work with some of these people nga i shall say, no educational background, they can really upset you . I know it's not right to judge other people. I am just saying what i feel about them. They gave me a hard time in my stay here. Specially during those times when i had yet to learn my Japanese language. I thought they were going to be my voice when i needed someone to defend myself from yet another struggle that i had to face with the other races here. People treated the new ones rudely, specially if you don't know how to speak Japanese. It was just a tough world for me in the beginning. This is why, i told my best friend in one of our phone conversations some time ago, no one is like her. Not even a little closer.

My experience here taught me when to trust people, and whom to trust to. I don't want to feel sorry in the end regretting of sharing something about myself to someone that i thought my friend. I 'd rather loose myself into my quiet world than join a group of others talking about someone else's life. Now. i'm not afraid of what other people will say about me. I've learned my lesson well.

This kind of life here made me compare how my life was back then. My simple life. My life with my friends. My life of watching Dawson's creek at night. My life of burning the night away making poems. The nights of endless telebabads with friends. And reading, this used to be in my world before. Now, i've lost interest in it. I don't even make poems. I've stopped writing. I don't even know how to speak English . Since most of the Japanese people don't speak English, no one will understand me even if i'll just say "what's you're name?".

But after eight long years of living away from home, with so many things missed as being part of it, with so many ups and downs, and cries and laughter and stories to tell, i am still the same person as my folks knew. Some things might have changed, like my everyday routine, my priorities in life, what i want in life, my circle of friends, and some other things. But the person inside me just remained the same.